Nothing; a poem (tho/en)

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This poem is from a series of texts I have written in the past few days. I'm not yet ready to talk about what drove me to write so much, but you may be able to pick up some clues. And if not, time will come when I'll finally speak up.

have the scars been
inflicted by me?
for the spark
may be lost
unseen.

when all what's down deep
"darkness!" screams;
emptiness, with a tiny light?
or nothing, should i ever
close my eyes.

in despair i stay
and the wind passes through me
but
i can't feel the breeze
as my mind freezes
and body tumbles.

what restarts the rainfall
if not seas of tears?
but i feel numb.
confused.
dumb.
nothing at all.

holding onto the last strand
which through sands carries me,
locked in
yet
still wanting to let go
despite the cries
i disregard.

i'm not a victim
but a victim i play
i don't suffer
i pretend the pain
for what, to gain
what's not mine to keep?
through overflowing thoughts
i sleep.

once
i weep
but it's not enough.
i hide, i seek
what answers the creek
of questions, and wears off
the pretends,
the lies, discerns
feathers from lice,
corn from rice,
and shatters
compromise.

but there's nothing outside
and with hollowness within
am i unworthy
of my own, hazy dream?

through the sands i'll sift
with the breeze i'll fly
shall the spring
carry the bloom
and bring forward
the fruits of gloom
the past stumbled upon,
but never unraveled.

2026-06-24